And I am back!
My 6 years multiply account was canceled automatically but thank God I backed up all the blogs on it so I can laugh at them when I grow old. Woot! Woot!
Today is April 26, 1:52am(Friday) here at the office. My shift was already past 3 hours and I am here with the night shift colleagues watching movie. I do not want to go home. I was lack of sleep for the past week because of work. wait.. because of work? Maybe. I am the primary duty manager for the week and I am coping up with the large volume of tickets. But wait, is it really the only reason? I sleep 4 hours a day but I barely sleep that ‘deep’. I skipped meals. Ugh, something bothers me. Really. So what was it? Well, it is a nightmare that I thought will never happen again.
I will not elaborate anymore as it will be redundant to my nine other blogs speaking the same rant of hatred and pain. Let’s just put it this way, maybe I am having difficulties in life right now, one time big time. And the only person used to be my strength is the same person that weakens me. Ironic it seems but to tell you thinking about it doubles the pain every now and then. Chances are the person does not care anymore. So why I am bothered? I was thinking all the time. Everything freezes. I am helpless. I cannot pretend. I cannot lie of what I truly feel.One day I woke up and I am getting used to it. I think I am being trained to get into it. Sooner I will be a master; playing the game better than her. She made me feel uncomfortable. She knows that but she does not care. So why would I care at the first place? She turned everything like a boomerang♪ and sadly on Sunday, it is supposedly “28th 28”. Cheesy? Well, I guess so. But I guess this will be just part of the memories. She’s gone. I stayed. She let go. She left. I chased. So what’s the purpose? Waiting for NOTHING? Who’s gonna do that? Waiting for UNCERTAINTY? Is it a waste of time to think about someone who does not care and think about you? She is on the go. My friends told me that she is happy now even without me, so why I cannot do the same? My mistake was she used to be my world… my everything. And it was so unbalanced. Her lies just to play safe killed everything. Her made-up stories drained my trust. I am so tired. I promised myself once she pushed me away again, I will..for good. The last time we lost communication was March and it’s just April. She told me she cannot afford to see me with someone else but she does nothing to secure me, to secure herself. This is the time that she stepped up again to ignore and dump me and this will be the last. I hate her for lying on everything up to simple screenshots and tweets to protect her own for her comfort. She compromised hurting me and made me feel unwanted to make her safe and free from prosecution. Scripted stories from prolonged agony made me overthink and overanalyze things. Well, it’s always her choice to walk away. And she made that choice for the hundredth time. Not me. I do not know if I can forgive her or will I ever. All I know is it’s time to bring back the lost Aeron drowned by too much hatred and pain. She moved on and it’s time for me to do so.
And now by typing this blog, I feel drowsy now. I think I better get going. Till then. Cheers! 🙂